Epic Fail

And completing the Trifecta of Monaco’s Royal Family Making Headlines for ALL The WRONG reasons: here we have the odd couple, (Prince Fat Albert and Princess Trashlene) at the Oscars last night. They were the invited guests of Disney President, Bob Iger (which is the ONLY reason Robin Roberts held up a microphone for Fat Al’s babbling). She didn't even ask ‘who are you wearing (a standard question always asked in interviews on the Red Carpet). In fact, there was an odd pause at the beginning where it looked for a moment that Robin didn’t even know who the heck he was. Apparently Fat Al’s been working on his stutter because he managed to string a sentence together without LONG pauses between words. Although you'd think he would've been more prepared to answer somewhat coherently. Even I could have predicted he was going to be asked about his mother and yet, when Robin Roberts brought up how ironic it was that this was his FIRST time at the Oscars even though is mother was a regular at the ceremony back in her day, here is what he said: "First, we are thrilled to be here and thanks to Bob and Willow for inviting us. Yes, well it's impossible NOT to think of her at this point. This year marks the 60th anniversary of her winning that Oscar and the 30th anniversary of my mother’s passing. We look forward to sharing this evening with everyone and of course keeping her well within our minds and our hearts." Say WHAT? There is something seriously wrong with him. And speaking of seriously wrong, that pretty much describes Trashlene’s look last night. I would have expected something Va Va Va Voom, but this dress did NOTHING for her. The color, the fit, neither one was right for her. Last night was the night to wear BLING worthy of a PRINCESS, and a gown like that kick ass fuschia colored one she wore to the Red Cross Ball (see photo, above). She wouldn’t even have had to borrow the bling from jewelers, she HAS IT! She should have rocked this event. Total fail. Plus, she looked absolutely MISERABLE. Couldn’t she have at least FORCED a smile? How can you be sad on the red carpet at the OSCARS!? Later on in the evening I saw these two wandering around the red carpet, trying to get interviewed by other networks, but NO takers. Nobody wanted ANYTHING to do with them. If the point of their attendance was to promote MORONACO and get attention it's another BIG fat failure, everything they touch turns to CACA!

The Prince Gets Crowned

Monaco's Royal Family: it's the gift that just keeps on giving. In New York last Saturday night, Pierre Casiraghi (the youngest son of Princess Caroline) ended up at Double Seven nightclub where he was involved in an altercation with a man nearly twice his age. According to the New York Post, forty-seven year old Adam Hock was sitting with friends (three of whom were apparently well known models in the New York fashion scene) when an inebriated Pierre Casiraghi came up to their booth, uninvited, and tried to engage the young ladies in conversation. After a heated exchange, Hock punched the Prince AND also roughed up the three friends that came to his aid. Now, I have NO idea what happened inside that nightclub, but I'm guessing it went a little bit like this: Twenty-four year old pretty boy tries to engage three young hotties. The old buck tells him to get lost, the kid mouths off, so the forty-seven year old gets up and kicks his Royal ARSE. Then, three of pretty boy's self appointed tough guy friends get involved and also get their clocks cleaned by the old dude! Note to all foreigners: New York + bar + 2 AM = bad place to open mouth. This is doubly true if your first name is PIERRE!

The Princess & the Playboy...again

Since the beginning of the year the tabloid mags here have been going nuts over the news that Princess Caroline of Monaco's twenty-six year old daughter, Charlotte, is dating a well known French comedian fourteen years her senior. Gad Elmaleh is of Moroccan descent and has an out of wedlock son. Ironically, Caroline's first husband, Philippe Junot, was SEVENTEEN years her senior when they wed in 1978 (A marriage her parents, Prince Ranier and Princess Grace VEHEMENTLY opposed due to the fact that the groom was a notorious PLAYER). In fact, the story about their marriage in Time Magazine was entitled,The Princess and the Playboy(their marriage lasted LESS than TWO years). I'm guessing Caroline and the other stuffed shirts in Monaco are hoping pretty hard that Gad doesn't turn out to be Charlotte's Junot. Apparently Gad is introducing Charlotte to his close friends and family members as his 'girlfriend' and there seems to be a NEW picture each week of her exiting his Paris apartment in the early AM. I personally can't imagine what a beautiful and privileged you woman like Charlotte would see in Gad (what the HELL kind of name is THAT anyway?)although perhaps that is the whole appeal. She’s probably been surrounded by pretty boys her entire life. Men that your average French gal would consider Prince Charming. She has probably grown bored by them and wants to push some boundaries. And LORD knows a middle aged comedian with a teenage son is pushing the boundaries!

Strike Two

Here is Michelle Williams at the Oscar Nominee luncheon wearing a dress designed by Victoria ‘Posh Spice’ Beckham (another individual who has NO business designing clothing). The clouds on top look like men with huge chins and snot dripping out of their equally huge noses. For those of you keeping score at home, this is strike TWO for Ms. Williams, who wore the purple monstrosity pictured below to the Golden Globes. She’s nominated for an Oscar for her portrayal of Sex Goddess Marilyn Monroe; wouldn’t ya think she’d try and wear something a bit more Marilyn and a lot less Matron? Can’t wait to see what she turns up in at the Oscars.

Oscar Nominees Luncheon

Glen Close plays crazy better than any actress working today and it makes me wonder if she isn't a little insane in real life, especially when I see her wearing something like this. Why do OLD WOMEN continue to wear housecoats? *shudder* And with the money she makes how about some teeth whitener? This monstrosity was designed by none other than Stella McCartney, a faux celebrity who has NO business designing clothes. And those shoes are just tragic.

Mittens Speaks French

Knowing how to speak French can kill a Presidential campaign. Just ask John Kerry. While running for President in 2004 there were multiple soundbites floating around of Kerry speaking French. The Republicans learned that Americans tended to view someone who speaks French as 'elitist' and 'out of touch.' Worse still was the fact that many Americans thought Kerry LOOKED French as well. This information, coming on the heels of the 2003 ban on FRENCH fries at lunchrooms all over America due to France's refusal to support our invasion of Iraq, was basically the political kiss of death for Kerry. Now, political foes of Mitt Romney are using his ability to speak French against him in an effort to derail his campaign for the White House. Drudging up a video which shows Romney speaking French in an informational video for volunteers for the 2002 Olympic Games in Salt Lake City, they hope to paint him as an elitist or, even worse, a SOCIALIST! Even though another contender for the Republican nomination for President, Jon Huntsman, also speaks a foreign language (Chinese), but apparently that is seen as an asset rather than a liability since we owe China a ton of coin. There is also no downside to harassing someone for their ability to speak French because there is no French lobbyist organization to push back against the criticism, nor does the French government give a crap that they're being called Elitist Snobs because, well, let's face it, they are Elitist Snobs.

Mammography à la Française

I had my very first mammogram ever today, and I feel compelled to comment on how such delicate matters are handled in France. Once again, no drape or covering was supplied to me in the changing room. I was simply asked to take off 'everything above the waist' and step out into the exam area. Me and my breasts were then then unceremoniously (and without so much as a drink to loosen me up) manhandled by a petite woman who was shockingly strong for her size. Feeling as if I had just checked into an all female prison, I was then left to wait, topless and alone, while the doctor looked over my films. After an agonizing ten minutes, he came in the room, introducted himself and shook my hand as if we were meeting at a cocktail party. He then proceeded to explain the results of my mammo. I tried to concentrate on what he was saying, but all I could think of was how I was still topless, and cold. Really, really cold. At the end of his diatribe, he once again shook my hand and then took his leave. I'm guessing this isn't how mammos go in the States, but I can't be sure 'cause I've never had one done there.