Shopping and Eating

Summer is now officially upon us and that means my inbox is filling up daily with emails like this:

Hey Alison!
I'm coming to Paris in a few weeks with my
(boyfriend/husband/uncle/cousin/grandmother)
and was wondering if you could give us some
advice about what to do/see while we are
in town.
Signed: A person you haven't heard from in months

I don't respond to these emails anymore and it's not because I don't want to be helpful. It's because I DO want to be helpful. See, the thing is, unless you are my
genetic twin I doubt that what interests me will interest you. My two favorite things to do in Paris are shopping and eating. If those are your top two interests as well, then I may have some suggestions for you. However, if those are NOT your top two interests then you should probably figure out your own intinerary. I mean, if I tell you what to do and you have a crappy time, then you'll blame me. And the worst, the absolute worst, are people who attach a time frame to their request. For example, "We'll be in Paris for only 48 hours. Any advice on what we shouldn't miss?" Talk about pressure! I'm pretty sure there are a multitude of guidebooks out there on Paris that contain sections called just that(What to see in Paris if you only have 48 hours).

So, to sum up, please don't send me any emails asking for advice about what to do in Paris on your vacation this summer. Unless, of course, you are someone who was MEAN to me in high school. In that case, I DO have a few suggestions for you. First, you MUST visit the Paris Sewers. It is a museum run by the City of Paris that is not only inexpensive but always uncrowded..no waiting in line to get in...ever! After that you should get on the metro and take the thirteen line all the way to the end and exit at Saint Denis. Upon exiting the metro you should yell, "America rocks!" as loud as you can for at least five minutes.