Vive les Vacances!

Just a heads up to all my loyal followers that this blog will be unattended for the next three weeks. It's time for our yearly vacation to the Good 'Ole US OF A to repatriate our daughters. I'm catching lots of merde from my kids' teachers for pulling them out of school two weeks before summer vacay officially starts but I could care less. We do this every year because Air France JACKS up the prices on flights to the US starting in mid-June. We save close to a grand doing it this way and that's well worth listening to the maîtresse bitch about how pulling them out two weeks early is going to 'erase everything they've learned this year.' Yeah, right. Nice try, honey. I'm outta here. Bonnes vacances, tout le monde!

Bonne Fête Des Mères!

Maman j’ai cueilli.

Pour toi aujourd’hui.

Un bouquet joli.

Des tas de bisous.

Une étoile d’argent.

Un coeur gros comme ça.

Ma petite Maman.

Que j’aime tant!

Why I LOVE French!

The recent Presidential election produced a hilarious catchy phrase that cracked me up every time I heard (or saw) it. Back in 2008 when then President Sarkozy was glad handing people at the Paris International Agricultural Show, he had a brief but heated exchange with a man who did not want to shake his hand. Sarko lost his cool and uttered the now famous, "Casse-toi pauvre con!" phrase which his political opponents immediately seized upon and began using against him by creating posters and stickers with that exact phrase on it. Before I moved here I had only ever heard that the English translation of 'con' was 'asshole.' Thus, I thought Sarkozy was calling the guy a 'poor asshole.' However, in discussing the phrase with my French friends I discovered how wrong I had been. Con is actually one of the trickiest words to translate and has a myriad of different meanings depending on how, when and where it is used.

A 'jeune con' is a young fool. Someone with very little life experience.

A 'petit con' is a little moron. Probably a kid who is messing around.

A 'gros con' is just your basic moron (adult version).

'sale con' while the literal translation for this might be 'dirty bastard' it really means someone who has acted in such a way that other people got harmed for no good reason.

A 'vieux con' is an old fart.

A 'pauvre con' is an idiot or a loser and depending on the tone and context it can be anything from a buddy joke to raw insult.

Which brings me back to this fact: as the Merovingian in the Matrix Reloaded said

"I LOVE the French language. I have sampled every language and French is my favorite. Fantastic language! Especially to curse with. It's like wiping your arse with silk."

Bonne Fête des Mères!

One day is not enough to thank mothers for all that they do and have done BUT, I’m glad there is still a day set aside to make them feel special. Today is Mother's Day in the US and I wish all moms, mommies, mums and women who take on the role of mother for those who do not have one, a relaxing and joyous day!

Americans Weigh in on the French Presidential Election

I loved reading all the Yahoo news stories about the televised debate between Sarkozy and Hollande this past week. And I especially loved those stories which enable comments. It allows a whole cross-section of Americans to weigh in on the hot mess that is French politics. I love how the comments are ALL over the MAP. Some commenting on the French election, others using it to draw parallels to our own messed up political system. While there are too many good ones to list them all, I have included my top 10 below.

10. Sarkozy is a joke, but this clown Hollande will destroy France.

9. The French people are great but they have had the worst leaders in history: the Louis kings, Napoleon, Vichy France, De Gaulle, and now this latest bunch of total losers. Sacre bleu!!!

8. Most Americans can name more members of the cast of Jersey Shore than presidential candidates. We are turning into an Idiocracy.

7. The French tuck a white surrender flag in their pocket each day before leaving their home....just in case.

6. If Sarkozy thinks that Europe is over the crisis then he is living on a cloud in Cuckoo Land.

5. I hope the people of France like what is going on in Greece because if Hollande wins, they will get to experience these conditions first-hand.

4. The problem with socialism is you eventually run out of other people's money.

3. To HELL with those cheese eating surrender specialists!

2. I will not miss the midget, but I will miss his wife. The midget's wife is HOT!

1. Effe Zee Frawgs!

Sarkozy will WIN!

So, Sarko survived the first round of voting, but I'm guessing that's only because the majority of French people did not want to see far-right candidate, Marine Le Pen, advance to the next round. And even though I asked all our friends who voted for Sarko if they planned on voting for him again in the second round (and they all said, 'non'!) I'm predicting that Sarkozy will WIN by a razor thin margin. Know why? Because the conservatives who voted for Le Pen are going to pick the LESSER of TWO evils and that means Sarkozy over Hollande. Unless they decide to do what Americans do when their candidate doesn't win the nomination of the party: stay home on election day.

So long, Sarko!

With the French Presidential election about a month away, its looking more and more like Nicolas Sarkozy (or Sarko as he is affectionately known in French pop culture lexicon) is NOT gonna get re-elected, which is too bad because we really like Sarko. His was the first Presidential election we were witness to, since moving to France. On a related note, I'm guessing right about now Madame Carla Bruni-Sarkozy is thinking: 'How long before I can file for divorce from this dude? Because, let's face it, when I married him, he was the President of France, but if he loses this election, he becomes just a short, ugly old guy. I'm way too hot to be married to a short, ugly old guy.' Once Sarko loses the election in May, I'm guessing Madame will file for divorce within six months.