Why I LOVE French!

The recent Presidential election produced a hilarious catchy phrase that cracked me up every time I heard (or saw) it. Back in 2008 when then President Sarkozy was glad handing people at the Paris International Agricultural Show, he had a brief but heated exchange with a man who did not want to shake his hand. Sarko lost his cool and uttered the now famous, "Casse-toi pauvre con!" phrase which his political opponents immediately seized upon and began using against him by creating posters and stickers with that exact phrase on it. Before I moved here I had only ever heard that the English translation of 'con' was 'asshole.' Thus, I thought Sarkozy was calling the guy a 'poor asshole.' However, in discussing the phrase with my French friends I discovered how wrong I had been. Con is actually one of the trickiest words to translate and has a myriad of different meanings depending on how, when and where it is used.

A 'jeune con' is a young fool. Someone with very little life experience.

A 'petit con' is a little moron. Probably a kid who is messing around.

A 'gros con' is just your basic moron (adult version).

'sale con' while the literal translation for this might be 'dirty bastard' it really means someone who has acted in such a way that other people got harmed for no good reason.

A 'vieux con' is an old fart.

A 'pauvre con' is an idiot or a loser and depending on the tone and context it can be anything from a buddy joke to raw insult.

Which brings me back to this fact: as the Merovingian in the Matrix Reloaded said

"I LOVE the French language. I have sampled every language and French is my favorite. Fantastic language! Especially to curse with. It's like wiping your arse with silk."

Bonne Fête des Mères!

One day is not enough to thank mothers for all that they do and have done BUT, I’m glad there is still a day set aside to make them feel special. Today is Mother's Day in the US and I wish all moms, mommies, mums and women who take on the role of mother for those who do not have one, a relaxing and joyous day!

Americans Weigh in on the French Presidential Election

I loved reading all the Yahoo news stories about the televised debate between Sarkozy and Hollande this past week. And I especially loved those stories which enable comments. It allows a whole cross-section of Americans to weigh in on the hot mess that is French politics. I love how the comments are ALL over the MAP. Some commenting on the French election, others using it to draw parallels to our own messed up political system. While there are too many good ones to list them all, I have included my top 10 below.

10. Sarkozy is a joke, but this clown Hollande will destroy France.

9. The French people are great but they have had the worst leaders in history: the Louis kings, Napoleon, Vichy France, De Gaulle, and now this latest bunch of total losers. Sacre bleu!!!

8. Most Americans can name more members of the cast of Jersey Shore than presidential candidates. We are turning into an Idiocracy.

7. The French tuck a white surrender flag in their pocket each day before leaving their home....just in case.

6. If Sarkozy thinks that Europe is over the crisis then he is living on a cloud in Cuckoo Land.

5. I hope the people of France like what is going on in Greece because if Hollande wins, they will get to experience these conditions first-hand.

4. The problem with socialism is you eventually run out of other people's money.

3. To HELL with those cheese eating surrender specialists!

2. I will not miss the midget, but I will miss his wife. The midget's wife is HOT!

1. Effe Zee Frawgs!

Sarkozy will WIN!

So, Sarko survived the first round of voting, but I'm guessing that's only because the majority of French people did not want to see far-right candidate, Marine Le Pen, advance to the next round. And even though I asked all our friends who voted for Sarko if they planned on voting for him again in the second round (and they all said, 'non'!) I'm predicting that Sarkozy will WIN by a razor thin margin. Know why? Because the conservatives who voted for Le Pen are going to pick the LESSER of TWO evils and that means Sarkozy over Hollande. Unless they decide to do what Americans do when their candidate doesn't win the nomination of the party: stay home on election day.

So long, Sarko!

With the French Presidential election about a month away, its looking more and more like Nicolas Sarkozy (or Sarko as he is affectionately known in French pop culture lexicon) is NOT gonna get re-elected, which is too bad because we really like Sarko. His was the first Presidential election we were witness to, since moving to France. On a related note, I'm guessing right about now Madame Carla Bruni-Sarkozy is thinking: 'How long before I can file for divorce from this dude? Because, let's face it, when I married him, he was the President of France, but if he loses this election, he becomes just a short, ugly old guy. I'm way too hot to be married to a short, ugly old guy.' Once Sarko loses the election in May, I'm guessing Madame will file for divorce within six months.

Vive la Cinnabon!

A week ago today, Jean Dujardin became the first Frenchman ever to win the Oscar for best actor. I didn't see 'The Artist' but I am an ardent follower of everything Oscar (including and especially) the pre-show on the Red Carpet. Watching ABC's Robin Roberts interview him I learned some fascinating facts about 'The Artist' and Monsieur Dujardin. The film was shot entirely in Los Angeles over a four month period AND Monsieur Dujardin (whose last name literally means 'of the garden') had never lived in the United States before making the film. When asked what he liked best about living in Los Angeles he responded: 'the lights, the energy and the cinnamon rolls' (specifically: Cinnabon cinammon rolls). I laughed out loud at that one thinking to myself, "This John of the Garden is full of surprises." Turns out that wasn't the last of the surprises Monsieur would provide at the Oscars. Overcome with emotion during his acceptance speech he excitedly let loose with a string of French words, one of which was 'putain' (which is generally regarded as the F word in France). Of course, it totally slipped by US censors who didn't bleep it out like they should have, which made it all the more hilarious! So, to recap, the key to being able to swear on television in the US and NOT get bleeped out by censors is to do if FAST and in FRENCH.

Epic Fail

And completing the Trifecta of Monaco’s Royal Family Making Headlines for ALL The WRONG reasons: here we have the odd couple, (Prince Fat Albert and Princess Trashlene) at the Oscars last night. They were the invited guests of Disney President, Bob Iger (which is the ONLY reason Robin Roberts held up a microphone for Fat Al’s babbling). She didn't even ask ‘who are you wearing (a standard question always asked in interviews on the Red Carpet). In fact, there was an odd pause at the beginning where it looked for a moment that Robin didn’t even know who the heck he was. Apparently Fat Al’s been working on his stutter because he managed to string a sentence together without LONG pauses between words. Although you'd think he would've been more prepared to answer somewhat coherently. Even I could have predicted he was going to be asked about his mother and yet, when Robin Roberts brought up how ironic it was that this was his FIRST time at the Oscars even though is mother was a regular at the ceremony back in her day, here is what he said: "First, we are thrilled to be here and thanks to Bob and Willow for inviting us. Yes, well it's impossible NOT to think of her at this point. This year marks the 60th anniversary of her winning that Oscar and the 30th anniversary of my mother’s passing. We look forward to sharing this evening with everyone and of course keeping her well within our minds and our hearts." Say WHAT? There is something seriously wrong with him. And speaking of seriously wrong, that pretty much describes Trashlene’s look last night. I would have expected something Va Va Va Voom, but this dress did NOTHING for her. The color, the fit, neither one was right for her. Last night was the night to wear BLING worthy of a PRINCESS, and a gown like that kick ass fuschia colored one she wore to the Red Cross Ball (see photo, above). She wouldn’t even have had to borrow the bling from jewelers, she HAS IT! She should have rocked this event. Total fail. Plus, she looked absolutely MISERABLE. Couldn’t she have at least FORCED a smile? How can you be sad on the red carpet at the OSCARS!? Later on in the evening I saw these two wandering around the red carpet, trying to get interviewed by other networks, but NO takers. Nobody wanted ANYTHING to do with them. If the point of their attendance was to promote MORONACO and get attention it's another BIG fat failure, everything they touch turns to CACA!