What to Leave Out for Santa

Living in France, the most difficult thing, by far, has been having to explain to our kids why Santa behaves so differently when visiting our house, than that of their little French friends. In France, children are encouraged to stay UP and wait for le Père Noël , while in the U.S. we tell our kids that if they are not in bed sleeping, Santa WON'T come. I have interrogated my French friends at length about this because I wondered how parents manage to sneak gifts under the tree while their children are engaged in a mini-stake out. The answers I received varied. Most said that they take the kids outside and distract them somehow (usually by looking up in the sky for unusual air traffic) while an accomplice puts the presents under the tree. Then, when the kids come back in, the person inside will say, “Oh you JUST missed le Père Noël!" Some friends reported that their parents went so far as to HIRE someone to dress up and pose as le Père Noël (although apparently you gotta be careful where you find your Père Noël 'cause one year my friend Sophie said she remembers the guy her parents hired showed up smelling strongly of gin).
What people leave OUT for Santa also varies widely in Europe. In the States it is your standard cookies and milk and maybe some carrots for the reindeer. In England and Australia, Santa’s treated to a glass of sherry with minced pie. While in Wales and Ireland, they leave out a pint of Guinness(because Guiness goes with everything) and cookies, mince pie or Christmas pudding, depending on the house. Santa gets a stiff drink to help him stay warm through the night in Sweden, Denmark and Norway. Sometimes a particular elf or gnome will get risgrynsgrot, a bowl of rice porridge made with cinnamon, sugar and milk. Personally, I'm shocked there hasn't been a history of airline disasters over Europe on Christmas Eve seeing that Santa is most likely driving drunk. I mean, even if he only had a small SIP at each house, he'd still be loaded by like, the twentieth house or so, right? Oh, wait, I forgot he's got a designated driver (Rudolph). Joyeux Noël à tous!

Elf on the Shelf

The tradition of hosting an elf in your home so he can report back to Santa started hundreds of years ago in the Scandinavian countries (Norway, Denmark, Sweden and Finland) but it wasn't until an American woman from Georgia co-wrote a book with her daughter in 2005, that the idea spread around the US like wildfire. After several years of begging me to buy and Elf on the Shelf, I can proudly say that our home still does NOT have one. And here's why: it's WICKED CREEPY. It’s one thing to say ‘Santa is watching you.’ It’s quite another to have a little midget spy in the house. Is there anything scarier than the idea of a toy coming to life and doing GOD knows WHAT while you sleep? Doesn't anyone remember the 1982 horror movie POLTERGEIST in which the little boy is terrified for the entire movie that the stuffed clown in his bedroom is going to come to life and attack him. And then, at the end of the movie THE CLOWN DOES JUST THAT! I will never purchase the Elf on the Shelf for my kids no matter how much the BEG ME TO because I can’t stop thinking that the Elf is going to kill me at night. Behind that impish smile I imagine he has two rows of sharp teeth and that he would stand over me while I sleep, whispering, “soon, soon….”

Merry (Secular) Christmas

France has always touted itself as a secular nation, one in which the State and religion are kept separate. Thus, I was little more than a bit surprised when I walked into my daughters's classroom in early December to find a fully decorated Christmas tree on display. And, not only was her classroom decorated, but the entire school was covered with Christmas decor. Tinsel, garland, ornaments and lights hung from every banister. In addition, the students received a note from le Père Noël promising them something under the (school) tree if they were good. I asked the teacher if it was common practice in France to put up a Christmas tree. She assured me that it was. I then asked if any of the Muslim or Jewish families had any issue with it. "Mais, non," she responded, "why would then?" "Because they are not Christian and Christmas is a Christian holiday." She stared at me for a good five seconds, her brows furrowed, and then said, "Christmas trees are not religious symbols, Madame. And neither is le Père Noël." Turns out, she's right about Christmas trees not being religious symbols (they were actually a pagan ritual that began in Latvia in the 15th century) but Saint Nicholas, a SAINT, not a religous symbol? Now that was a good one. Surprisingly, all the families in my daughter's preschool class participated in the Christmas party and no one objected to Saint Nicholas showing up.

Little Orphan Harper

And speaking of expensive, ugly clothing......Bonpoint is THE place to buy chi chi clothing for your kids here in France but sadly their clothes are incredibly ugly. They only come in depressing colors like grey, brown and black. And for girls mauve is as exciting as it gets. Now, I'm not a person who believes little girls should be dressed in pink 24/7 but they should be wearing colors that are joyous NOT somber. As much as I wanted to LOVE the chic little girls Parisian clothing I just couldn't do it. I couldn't justify spending hundreds of euros on clothes that made my daughter look like Little Orphan Annie. However, it seems that celebrities are not as concerned about the way their kids look. Case in point, the picture included in this post of Posh Spice toting her four month old daughter, Harper. That kid is adorable but that dress is flat out ugly!

Not in Love with Lanvin

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I LOVE fashion (which makes living in the Haute Couture capital of the world very exciting). However, there are some fashion houses here that I just don't get and Lanvin is one of them. The Lanvin boutique is located on the corner of Rue du Faubourg St. Honore and Rue Boissy d'Anglas (right on my way to the American Embassy). From the day I made my very first trip there, I stopped in front of the Lanvin boutique to stare at the heinous garments on display. At the time I remember thinking to myself that they were the wierdest, most unflattering looking clothes I had ever seen. Five years later, my opinion hasn't changed much. This makes me wonder why so many celebrities are in LOVE with Lanvin. What one person considers 'fashionable' is subjective, so I guess we can agree to disagree about how their clothes LOOK but one thing Lanvin fans can't disagree with me on is the QUALITY (or LACK thereof) of the clothes. To put it bluntly, they look like they've been sewn by a bunch of junior high schoolers in a Home Economics class. Just check out the pictures included in this post.
From a distance this shapeless, beige frock just looks, well, shapeless. But a close up of the same dress reveals exposed, rough seams and puckering fabric proving once again that, as far as celebrities are concerned, if its really, really expensive, it MUST be good.

Thought for the day....

L’automne à Paris, que c’est joli!

Albert and Charlene Take Manhattan

Prince Albert and his new bride were briefly stateside this week to attend the 29th Gala of the Princess Grace Foundation. While there, they sat down for an interview with the Today Show's Matt Lauer. Kudos to Matt for not softballing the questions. He actually asked them point blank about the rumors of Charlene being a runaway bride (which she vehemently denied while erupting in FAKE laughter as her husband sat stoically beside her). Although, THE most telling portion of the interview came when Matt asked Prince Albert why, after so many years of bachelorhood, did he finally decide to tie the knot. His response? It was the ‘right thing to do.’ No profession of LOVE for his bride, no heartfelt confession that she is the ONE. Instead, he cited ‘timing’ and ‘feeling the pressure’ as his reasons for getting married. These two do not love each other in the least. During the interview, their chairs are next to each other but their bodies are a room apart. Charlene actually leans away from her beloved when talking about their wedding. They never touch each other. No simple, intimate gesture that most couples do without even realizing it. How can there be such a lack of warmth between two people when talking about the supposed most ‘wonderful’ day of their entire lives? Also, note the sneer that comes across Charlene’s face when Princess Grace is mentioned. And what the hell is up with her accent? She used to sound South African and now she sounds like she’s from British High Society. Also, I'd like to go on record that I predicted Fat Albert would start porking out again as soon as the wedding was overwith. I'm glad to see Charlene has already mastered the art of the fake laugh. That's gonna come in handy in the years to come as she laughs off her husband's continued infidelities.